Make It Stop
by MrsHanson593
Summary: Takes place during Orpheus 3.3. Tom is dealing with his guilt....will it drive him to the brink? Or can his friends somehow help him? I've decided to make it a story. XD
1. Make It Stop

Make It Stop

**DISCLAIMER: I do NOT own 21 Jump Street...or Tommy(unfortunately)...or anyone in it. And if you wanna sue me to make money...sorry, no money to get from me..."**

**(A/N: this is my take on Orpheus 3.3, and how Tom dealt with it. It's not my first time writing, but it IS my first try on 21 Jump Street...please don't kill me. and the conversation between Judy and Tom, later on in the story, I'm not sure exactly how it went...so I made up my own. XD but some of the things said are still the same.)**

He wondered when it had come down to this. Here he was, sitting at his desk, staring at the clock. Just waiting for the second hand to slowly make it's way to the twelve...the time where he could finally return to his apartment, just to be alone, to think, to _remember._ How could he have let it happen? 3.3 seconds...he could have snatched the gun away from the man's hand and turned the tables by then, right? Of course he could have! He just couldn't understand...

"Tom?" Judy walked up in front of his desk, wrenching him away from his train of thought.

He tore his gaze away from the slow-moving clock, and turned to Judy. "Yes?"

"Well, I know how you hate it when people ask this, but...are you okay?" Judy asked, a concerned, questioning look etched on her features.

Tom had been asked this question so many times within the past few days, it was driving him to the point of insanity. The question had been buzzing around in his mind, never ceasing its constant interrogating. Tom closed his eyes and sighed deeply. "Yes, Jude, I'm alright..."

"You've just seemed so...distant, lately, and...I'm worried about you, Tom..." She said quietly, afriad that anything she said would set him off.

"Well don't be, okay? I'm fine. Now, if you'll excuse me..." He stood up to leave.

Judy had a mixed look of worry and hurt at the sharpness of his tone. "Alright Tom..."

He looked at her one last time, and pushed past her towards the doors. Was he really okay? '_YES. I'm fine...if I want everyone to stop asking me, I need to stop asking myself...'_ he thought as he stepped into his blue mustang and drove away.

Drivng silently, only his thoughts to keep him company, which was slowly becoming the norm these days. _'I should have done something about it...'_

_'Yeah, you should have, but you didn't. You WANTED her to die, didn't you? You LET her die.' _Said a voice in the back of his mind.

_'NO!! I didn't want her to die...I would have saved her if I could have, but...' _He trailed off in a reply to...himself.

_'But what? There was nothing you could do? YWhy do you insist on lying to yourself, like everyone else lies to you? Of COURSE there was something you could have done, there's always something that could have been done! Everyone just tells you differently because they "love you and don't want you to feel guilty"...' _The voice scoffed at this.

Tom slammed a hand down on the steering wheel. "SHUT UP!" He tried desperately to push all thoughts from his mind as he pulled into the parking lot of his apartment building. He stepped out of the car, and with his head down, quickly rushed into his home. As he stepped inside, the voice, much to his displeasure, returned to banter him again.

_'You're going to watch the video again, aren't you?'_

_'...So what if I am?' _He sneered at the voice.

'_Do you ENJOY watching her get shot, or what? I mean really, how many times are you going to watch that thing? You're watching it just to see her die again...to see the blood spill onto the white tile floor out of the bullet hole, watching it seep into her clothes, turning them into a dark red mass, slowly inching it's way out from uder her...making her soft, pale skin even more so compared to the darkness of the blood...'_

_**"SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!" **_He screamed out into the silence yet again. He went over to the couch, flopped down in it, and looked at the remote, taunting him, on the table. He yearned to watch the video, trying to remember if there was any moment, any at all where he could have thrown himself in front of the gun, and have it be him recieving the ghastly end instead of Amy...

Finally giving in, he reached out and picked up the remote, turn on the T.V, and hit 'play'. He hadn't even taken out the video from when he watched it just hours ago. Fast fowarding it to the exact second, he found himself reliving the gruesome moment for what seemed like the millionth time...watching as the gunman turned to Amy, just as she came up from one of the aisles, saying his name for the last time...

"Tom?!?"

"Amy?" He saw himself turn to her. _**BANG. **_"NO!!!!"

Rewind.

"Amy?" _**BANG. **_"NO!!!!"

Rewind.

"Amy?" _**BANG. **_"NO!!!!"

He so desperately wanted time to turn back to that night...if he had just gone wherever she wanted, instead of being his usual stubborn self, this never would have happened...Amy would still be alive...

He was torn away from his thoughts for the second time today, by a knock on his door. "Come in..." he said weakly.

He turned slowly to see the door reveal Judy. "Tom?" She walked in slowly, and observed the state of the usually tidy, spotless apartment; catastrophic, compared to what it was...pizza boxes and beer bottles strewn across the floor, clothes on the couch, that no doubt, needed washing, and Tom...Tom was obviously in need of serious help. He wasn't his usual self; calm, clean, happy, relaxed...but he was stressed, indifferent, short-tempered, and angry.

"Hi Judy..." he turned back to the television and quickly shut it off.

"What were you watching?" She asked curiously, wandering over to him and placing herself next to him on the couch.

"Oh, uh...nothing..." He lied shakily. She suddenly snatched the remote from his hands, turned on the T.V and hitting play.

"Where did you get this?" She asjed, her eyes widening in surprise and fear. "This is the security tape from the convenient store, this is police evidence!"

"I'm a policeman, Jude..." He said, standing up and walking in front of the T.V. "Did you know that it only takes 3.3 seconds to shoot someone?"

She followed. "How do you know that?"

"The time in the corner there..." he played the moment where Amy had gotten shot. Judy's eyes widened even more.

"How many times have you watched this video, Hanson?"

"271 times. Did you know, that you can say the entire alphabet in 3.3 seconds? You can take off your shoes, pop the tops off of 6 beer bottles, and shoot someone in 3.3 seconds."

"Hanson, please..." Judy begged.

But Tom ignored her. "You can--"

"Hanson, PLEASE!" Judy pleaded desperately, tears forming in here eyes. He frightened her; she had never seen hi in this state of disarray, of anger, and sorrow...she never thought she would.

Tom stopped. He looked at her, realizing how he had scared her. _'Aw crap, there I go screwing things up again...' _He thought to himself. His features softened, and he hugged her. "Sorry Jude...I-I didn't mean to scare you..."

Judy returned the gesture, and sighed. "It's...it's alright, but...please..." she pulled back and looked into his dark eyes. "Promise me you won't watch this again...it's not healthy to be watching this over and over again..."

Tom studied her face for a minute. "Alright." He agreed finally.

"And promise me that you're going to get some help with this..."

Now THAT, he really did not want to do. 'Help' meant seeing a shrink, going to a doctor, getting medication for his depression...

"I'll think about it..." He answered at last.

Judy was not satisfied by his unsure answer. "Hanson, you really need to get some--"

"I said I'll think about it!" Tom said sternly.

Judy drew back from him, and turned towards the door. "Fine." And she left. Tom sighed and sat back down on the couch.

_'How many people are you going to push away? You idiot. You're scaring everyone because you're too wrapped up in yourself and YOUR sorrow and YOUR grief. Stop being so selfish! Snap out of it and get over yourself.' _The voice had come back, and however harsh it was, it was also true.

"...Well what do you expect me to do?? Just forget about how Amy died and I could have saved her????" Tom voice cut into the silence like a knife through gelatin.

_'Eventually people are going to start seeing you talk to yourself, you know...and they're going to SEE how crazy you are...they're going to send you to the loony bin...'_

"Don't you EVER shut up?? Can't you just leave me alone for once?!?!?!"

_'Oh but you ARE alone! Look around you...do you see anyone there? No. I am just a figment created in your twisted mind, the only part of you that knows the truth.'_

"Oh really, and what might that be?"

_'You killed Amy.'_

"What?? No, no I didn't, I didn't shoot her, I didn't even have a gun with me that night!" Tom was beginning to get flustered.

_'No, but letting him shoot Amy is just as bad as killing her yourself.'_

"B-but...I didn't! No! I looked and looked at the video...how could there have been any way that I could have done something...I can't have...no..."

_'Hm, really? Well, you just think about it, and...I'll leave you to your thoughts...' _The voice trailed off and got fainter, father into the back of Tom's mind.

"No, no WAIT!" Tom cried out. He didn't want to be alone...who knew what he could do to himself...if he was alone? He knew he would do something drastic...he could feel it coming. He curled up on his side onto the couch, and put his hands over his head. The scene was playing over in his mind, but this time it was Tom who held the gun in his hands, Tom who was shooting Amy...

"Make it stop, make it stop, make it stop..."

**(A/N: Ok ummmm...sorry if it seems a little incomplete at the end there, but...I just wanna know if you people want me to continue this as an actual story...it was just gonna be a one-shot, but...that's all up to all of you, so PLEASE REVIEW!!! I appreciate ALL reviews, whether they be criticizing, rude, nice, approving, etc...just PLEASE REVIEW!! )**


	2. Losing It

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Tommy or his prettiness...however much I would like to...aaannnddd I don't own anything even remotely related to 21 Jump Street...**

**(A/N: YAY! I got...counts on fingers 2 rewiews in one day!!! THAT MADE ME FEEL SO SPECIAL AND LOVED!!!!! XXXDDD I love the 2 people who reviewed. THANK YOU! I LOVE YOU!!! And because of just the 2 people, I'm going to make this a STORY. YAYSNESS.)**

"Coach, I'm worried about Tom..." Judy had decided to speak to Fuller when she left his apartment. "He's not himself, you should have seen him at his apartment! It was a mess, and so was he..." Judy trailed off, recounting the days events.

"Well you know how stubborn he is...and you told him to get some help...it's all up to him, now. There's really nothing we can do about it, Hoffs." Fuller said sympathetically.

But Judy didn't want to give up on Tom so easily. She left Fuller's office, and went to Doug Penhall, who was, at the moment, working on a case with Tom as the McQuiad's. "Doug, you're working on a case with Hanson, right?"

Doug turned to her, a questioning look on his face. "Yeah, why?"

"Does he seem to be acting any...different? At all?"

"Well, he seems to be a bit more distant, but other than that..." He replied, a confused look on his face.

"Just...watch him, okay? Make sure he doesn't do anything...stupid." Judy said, and she turned and headed to her own desk.

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As Tom and Doug McQuaid walked into Sandalwood High School, Doug surveyed the premises. **(A/N:** **WAKE UP THE ALARM CLOCK IS RINGING! EAAATTT A BANANA!!!!)**

"Tommy, we have to go see some people about some...private business...come on!" Doug said as he pulled on Tom's wrist to drag him to their first period class. Tom just let himself be dragged to Math, looking down the whole way.

Doug slowed down considerably, remembering that they were the McQuaid's, and they need not be in class on time...on the contrary, they were expected to be late! As the hallways cleared, Doug looked back at Tom and dropped his wrist. "Tom? Are you o--"

"Don't you DARE ask me if I'm okay..." Tom snapped his head up to look at his larger friend.

Doug drew back from him. "Oooookay then..." The usually quiet Tom's outburst had surprised him, and he remembered Judy's warning.

As they enetered the classroom about 10 minutes late, and were reprimanded by the teacher, the two "brothers" shrugged it off and say down inn the back of the room. Doug sat with his feet up on top of the desk, and Tom slumped in the seat, and layed his head on the desk, wanting to sleep and ignore everything going on. He knew that he had a case to finish, and that if he tried, it could be finished today, but he really didn't feel like trying to do anything today.

Since Amy's death, he had not been sleeping well at all...and the sleep he did get, if any, was short-lived and terror filled. He hoped and prayed every night for a dreamless sleep, but his prayers were not answered. As he strained to listen to the teacher's monotonous voice drone on, he slowly dozed off.

_Tom looked around the room. It was black abyss...he could see nothing...except for one figure near him. Amy was there...in front of him...a bullet wound on her side, the blood still oozing out of it. She looked pale, ghostly, and angry._

_"Tom...why did you do it?" She asked._

_Tom was confused by this question. "Do what??"_

_"Why did you let him kill me, Tom? You just stood there and WATCHED me get shot! How could you do that, Tom?"_

_"But...I didn't...I couldn't do anything, Amy! He would have killed me too! I-I'm sorry Amy!"_

_"Sorry isn't good enough, Tom...I can never forgive you for this..."_

_"But...I really am sorry, Amy! I didn't mean it, what do you want me to do? What can I do to prove to you that I really am sorry, and I didn't mean it?!?!?" Tom pleaded, tears forming in his eyes._

_"Admit it. Admit that you killed me."_

_Tom's eyes widened. "B-But...I didn't...I didn't shoot you, I didn't kill you..."_

_"If you ever want any chance of me forgiving you, you have to admit the truth. YOU killed me Tom, YOU did nothing to stop the gunman from shooting me." She advanced towards him, malice and hate in her eyes. "Say it, Tom."_

_Tom backed up away from her, scared that she would kill him, or hurt him in some way. As he did so, the tears in his eyes threatened to fall. "O-okay...I k-killed you..." He said quietly, his voice trembling._

_"LOUDER, Tom. I need to know that you believe it."_

_"I KILLED YOU!!! I did it, it was me! I killed you!" The tears now fulfilled their threat, and began to run down his cheeks, and he collapsed onto the ground, his shoulder shaking with silent sobs._

_Amy just nodded and grinned at Tom. "You are pathetic. You disgust me...but now that we're clear on this..." She began to fade into the darkness_

_"No, Amy! AMY!!"_

"AMY!!!!" Tom's head shot up from his desk in a cold sweat. Every eye in the room was on him as his breathing slowed, and he wiped the sweat off of his brow wiht his sleeve. He gave them a death glare, and they immediately turned around into their seats.

Doug leaned over and whispered, "Where you having a nightmare about Amy?"

"No shit." He whispered back sarcastically.

Doug leaned back in his seat and put his hands up in surrender. The long, high-pitched bell rang at last, and Tom bolted out of his seat into the hallway, and Doug followed. "We have a meeting with the Marin boys after school today, so be ready to bust, okay?"

Tom nodded numbly, and watched as one of the kids in the Math class walked up to him. "What kind of dream was that?? About one of your little whores?" He sneered, obviously wanting to show off to his friends behind him for daring to make fun of Tommy McQuaid.

Tom's anger started to rise. "You shut up." He stepped up from leaning against one of the lockers, making him taller than the boy who stood before him.

But the boy didn't deter. "What, do you looooove her? Or were you just...screaming her name in ecstasy?" The laugh from his friends encouraged his banter.

"If you don't shut your trap now, I swear to God..." Tom reached into his pocket and started to pull out his gun.

"Do you want your face rearranged?" Doug stepped in between Tom and the boy, fearing that if he didn't do something, Tom would kill someone AND blow their cover.

The boy, not noticing Tom about to pull out his gun, stepped back from Doug. He didn't want to seem like a wimp in front of his friends, but also didn't want Doug to fulfull his threat. He looked Doug up and down in disgust, turned, and walked away with his friends.

Doug turned around to face Tom, who was fuming with rage at anyone who would dare insult Amy. "Tommy, just calm down, alright? The kid's not worth it, you don't want to kill someone and blow our cover in the process, do ya?" He looked into Tom's eyes, and saw coldness, malice, and behind that...fear, confusion, and sorrow. This was a far cry from the usually warm, bright, loving, happy eyes that were Tom's. This wasn't Tom...

"I need to get outta here...I'll see you at 5 o'clock..." Tom said suddenly, rushing out of the school to the car, leaving Doug to walk back to the chapel after school.

**(A/N: Sorry about the alarm clock and banana thing...I don't remember typing that...anyways, please review!!!!! LOVE YOU ALL.)**


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